Every time I see a smokeshow in leggings, it's like I've
stepped onto a from-the-waste-down nude beach.
Anyone who's ever travelled to Europe and heard about these
magical stretches where sand and ocean collide, and bathing suits are
nonexistent, can relate to the similar childish glee I feel when a girl picks
the comfortable clothing option (If anyone attests that they've ever heard a
girl say that they'd rather wear any other type of clothing then that person is
surely a liar).
As a species evolution has taken us so far from where we
came... perhaps one of the aspects of human nature which remains least bolstered
down by the development of modern societal values is sex drive. Everywhere you
look… on tv- sex, Books – sex, movies- sex, songs – Sorry Ferrel, there’s no
amount of blurring the lines (or the tits of the model in your music video so
it can play on MTV 2) that can keep our minds off of it.
Everyone you know has probably mentioned it at some point.
It's not frowned upon, which is saying a lot in today’s
everyone’s-an-activist-politics-are-fun! world. in fact in recent years the
spectrum of who "can" have sex with who has only gotten larger, and a
view limiting the sexual exploits of any willing woman, man, transgender,
transfulid, bi, gay, or other sentient life form is seen as uncultured and
sometimes even criminal.
So sexual attraction will be our focus. It's certainly here
to stay, and it pumps through our veins as strongly as it did the veins of our
friend below:
Being that so many other things have changed around us men
and our ever-fervent sex drive, it’s not quite as simple as man sees naked girl…
girl sees guy seeing her… and passion ensues. Okay- maybe it still kind of is
that, but with a few more blockades in between
In the scenario above, Mr. Geico experiences what I like to
call a "chub at first sight"
The onset of said chub: What else could it be at such a
distance? The female figure - There's our basis of attraction.
So let's take a look at a modern day obstacle to sex drive:
Society's enforcement of the wearing of clothing.
Before the onset of shirts and halters and dresses and pants and jeans and jersey’s and scarves and big baggy shape-diminishing fabrics came and did away with the purity of the female figure, there was only body to body contact to keep warm. It’s not enough that this exterior shell blocks our parts from colliding freely, bras and underwear were thrown in to wipe away any sense of contact at all. Try getting a girl pregnant through 4 layers of clothing – Darwin would not be very happy at all.
The solution to our problem not only happens to be a cheap
alternative to all these other boner killing shape reducing forms of clothing,
it is also the most comfortable choice for a girl.
Leggings are the obvious choice because there is no better
compromise between playing into the whims of society and appealing to the male
sex drive all at once. Candice Swanepoel is not naked below, but it sure feels
like I am looking at her ass.
A half a minute in Photoshop turning those bad boys skin
colored could take me from 6 to midnight faster than anything save a nude
version of the same ass would. And the makings of a truly magical pair of
leggings not only showcase the female ass as it was meant to be shaped, but
they show me the only place I ever really want to be. Nothing compares to the
pure thing, but if looking into a naked girl’s spread legs gives me a 1080p
view of heaven on earth, than looking at the shape through a pair of form
fitting leggings is about a 720p view of heaven’s worst neighborhood (still
amazing cause its heaven), and I don’t know too many people who wouldn’t still
enjoy watching the big game at that resolution. It’s like I’m looking at one
without my glasses on – I’d still rather look than do pretty much anything.
And its important to note that the comfort factor has more
perks than just making girls want to wear them a lot. The flexibility and
falsely perceived coverage of body associated with leggings seems to make girls
want to get themselves into all sorts of interesting sitting positions and leg
separating kinds of seating positions.
Go on girls, get comfortable, let the leggings stretch,
because as they tighten I’m basically looking at your bottom half exactly as it
would appear to me if you were sitting there with nothing. Lean back, stay for
a while, and let me plot the trajectory of exactly where I would enter you, the
surroundings are all there, clear as day.
Don’t put on a dress please, you’d be so self-conscious
about showing you underwear you’d have to go and sit with your legs crossed the
whole time! That’s just not as fun for anyone.
Well you could put on jeans and try to sit however you want,
but they’re so tight and uncomfortable, even if you manage to spread yourself
out all I’m seeing is some taught blue fabric… Wait a second. Dry humping you
would kind of hurt me wouldn’t it?
There’s really only one other sane garment type written
about here, and that’s because it can be worn with leggings. Shout out to
Treehorn for making another one of my points. I don’t know what he said about
them specifically, but anything good can be mixed in with the leggings. Perfect
for any occasion, soft enough to show most details, and complimentary to the
female form. A jersey covers up the top a lot more than it should, its true. But
even with no shirt and low hanging country girl tops we never get a true shape
on the boobs anyway thanks to bras. Leggings are the only option that show me
almost everything I need to know before I’m feeling it. The only thing better
than seeing an amazing ass naked is seeing your hands cupped around it, and a
close second is surely grabbing one through leggings.
Picture feeling this ass through that thin layer of fabric…
it feels like an amazing ass. Are you going to say wait a
second, I need to feel this ass without those nearly nonexistent leggings on to
know how much I like it? More than likely you’re already fiddling around at the
other end… and guess what, she’s loving it because you’re basically touching
it! Who knew that life could be this easy?
Kelsey Grammar – shout out for inventing these my man – the
man with the plan. He did it during prohibition because the men still needed
something… this is the role Steve Bucshemi plays in Boardwalk Empire*
Clothing is necessary, leggings fulfill the need but don’t
get in the way of everything that makes admiring, looking at, and touching a
girl so much fun… at least less than any other respectable form of dress gets
in the way. I could go on and on but for the sake of length I will end this
post here with this closing sentiment:
There will some people who agree with me, and some people
who don’t. For all of those who don’t, I pray that survival of the fittest
spares you for as long as it can. Me and my finches will be visiting our alma
mater during finals week (because what girl wants to worry about wearing real
pants and taking a test all at the same time?)
* This entire paragraph is false
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