I'M LIKE HEY WASSUP HELLO SEEN YOUR PRETTY ASS SOON AS YOU CAME IN THE DOOR.
Ahhhhhhhh, do you smell that too? That's the smell of 49 7th graders, JACKED the fuck up on Mountain Dew crammed into a Middle School cafeteria awkwardly swaying and forming circles with a skinny Hispanic kid doing the worm in the middle.
I'm, of course, taking a stroll down memory lane back to the days of Middle School Dances. Some of the most naive, cringeworthy nights of my life. Nothing quite like the rush of walking in, praying your parents don't stand at the door for more than 6 seconds, and spending the entire time working up the nerve to ask the girl you like to slow dance to some early Alisha Keys ("If I Ain't Got You" was my tried and true go-to back in the day). Some of the most viscous, worrisome boners of a young man's life come during those first couple slow-dances. Just 3 and a half blissful minutes hoping it doesn't pop right out of those Gap Original jeans. What a time it was.
Anyway, I have no idea why but this song brought me back, something young bcase would've absolutely played the fuck out of over and over and over again. Would've been strolling the halls in a Latrell Spreewell jersey and a backwards Tarheels hat*, living in complete denial that I wasn't black muttering lines from this song to myself. Definitely would've likened my crush to a Trap Queen, might've even made an AOL screenname like "TrappKing92" or some shit. I need this song like I need air, it's outrageous. The guy rapping on this song goes by FETTY WAP, what planet am I on?? Ehh, don't even care anymore.
MARRIED TO THE MONEY INTRODUCED HER TO MY STOVE.
*Writing this with a TarHeels hat on, 11-year old cool guy vibes like you read about. Keep em wet bcase.
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