Hey Ovi, Get Fucked

What a game. What a series.What a feeling it is to know that the King is leading the Blueshirts onward to Lord Stanley's Cup while this prick takes a vodka bath in a Russian shemale brothel. Seriously, I'm absolutely shocked at how much I hate Alex Ovechkin but I can't help it. Everything from the "All Series" bullshit he was talking in Game 1 to the proclamation after Game 6, drinking his tears is repentantly satisfying. If we're being honest, 89% of it stems from his being Russian and my feelings towards that entire country. If you're a Russian and anything besides a blonde bombshell whose sole purpose on Earth is to look good, stop breathing my air.. The communism, the lack of societal etiquette, everything, FUCK Russia and Fuck Ovi most of all. What a rush.

Now on to the game. Not much to say, just grit and fucking balls. Motherfuckers laying out, taing hits, taking pucks, clearing the zone at all costs, it was magnificent. It was precisely what I don't get from the other major sports that I follow these days, heart. Fucking hockey, it's the best. Blueshirts were outplayed the entire first, held serve and had the advantage in the 2nd and 3rd, put on a poster in the early parts of OT and then BOOM, Stepan the silent assassin ends it. Give that guy a contract so I can invest in a jersey for Christ's sake. The unsung hero in so many ways in so many big spots, pay the man.

Tonight was one of those moments when after the dust settled, I sat back down, the group chat mayhem subsided, that I was reminded how lucky we are to have sports. The downs are aplenty, but the ups, man, the ups are like nothing else in the world. There are three instances that I've come across in my 22 years that make me imagine that "Can't Tell Me Nothin" is ACTUALLY playing behind me as I meander around my surroundings cocky as fuck:

1. Nailing a Job Interview - Sure call me a square, but this is awesome. Sets the tone for your entire week. It's a fleeting excitement, work is soul-crushing, but for that moment in time you're feeling yourself no doubt.
2. Nailing a Chick - Self--explanatory. Whether you're getting off the shnide and snapping a cold streak or extending a hot streak, slaying some strange is the best.
3. Playoff Success - You have no control, it shouldn't matter to you all that much, but it does. It's what separates humans from animals and ultimately men from women. As a red-blooded, sports obsessed American male, we care on a level which is absurd, stupefying and downright laughable, but can't help it. There is nothing on the world quite like the rush of your team winning big when the stakes are high.

Braden Holtby played his BALLS OFF, he absolutely did not deserve to be on the losing end of this series. If there's one guy on that slashing, communist crew of pricks who somehow rep our Nation's Capital, he's the on I feel for tonight. Come at the King though and you best not miss.

WE'RE ON TO TAMPA BAY. Gimme Stamkos, gimme Callahan, gimme the dude scoring a ton and gimme all the ex-blueshirts who need Cally to hold their hand out there on the ice. Fuck those clowns. Lightning are riding high and score a fucking ton, but Bishop ain't Hank. NYR in 7.

In Hank We Trust. #NYR