Thursday, April 30, 2015

Grading The Islanders Season... and Every Player


I can't sit here and write that I am pleased with the season, that we did better than last year by making the playoffs and so on. This season was a disappointment plain and simple. The Islanders had something to prove this year. They had to prove to the Eastern Conference that they were a threat by making a deep playoff run, and prove to the rest of the country that they were to be taken seriously. Maybe then they would get some media coverage. The lack of media attention they have received with everything going on was disgraceful... but that's a blog for another day.

I know I hadn't written any playoff blogs prior to the series or after pivotal games, but to be honest I'm a very superstitious guy and did not want to spout my mouth off saying that the Isles were a force to be reckoned with and then get their dicks collectively pushed in by Ovi and the Caps.... which is essentially what happened in Game 7. Innie city.

But listen they played a hard fought series, and the Capitals were a tough team to face in Round One. If we had landed the Penguins we would have shown Fleury no mercy, and Crosby would have been flat on his ass half of the time, crying.

So I have to give their overall playoff ranking a B. 

Now onto the individual players. Most of their rankings are pretty good because most of the team actually played a tough, gritty series, and if it wasn't for Lubo going down and the injuries to Hamonic and De Haan we would have probably come away with a series win.

Okay so here are the rankings. Because we did not win the series, I cannot award any A+'s, just like how BU does it. There are plenty of good grades however. This is really a great team nonetheless.

Jaroslav Halak ......  A-



Halak was to me the biggest question mark going into the series. Although I was a lot more confident with he between the pipes then I was with Nabakov, to me Halak had not proved during the regular season that he was the guy. Sure he set the franchise record for wins and was an extremely solid goalie, but I wasn't confident that he could handle what the Caps were going to bring. And I must tell you, Halak STOOD ON HIS FUCKING HEAD for his team. If it wasn't for his stellar play the series would have gone 5 games. Halak really impressed me and made some incredible saves, bailing out the D dozens of times. He doesn't get an A because of those couple of games where the Caps started to run train, but a lot of that was from poor defense. This series really did show me the real Halak, and that has me feeling way better about the playoff series' to come.


John Tavares ...... B+




We all expected more from JT this series, and he still did a ton to help this team get to Game 7. That just goes to show how high the expectations were for this man. He very much deserves the Hart Trophy. That goal 15 seconds into overtime was key because we would have probably lost that overtime if it went any longer. He also sneaky had 6 points (2 goals and 4 assists) with that awesome goal in Game 6. He needed one or two more great plays to bump him up to an A. There's always next year.


Kyle Okposo ...... A-


Fuck off Getty Images

Kyle Okposo embodied 'grit and balls' in this series. Two great goals, countless hits on those dirty Caps, and was in every scrap (which probably isn't smart for someone recovering from their eye hanging out of its socket.) He was the first person in when the Caps shot on Halak after the game ended. You saw it on his face, he wanted to win, but he wanted to win with these guys, whom he defended at every turn.

Johnny Boychuk ........ A



Boychuk was exactly what we needed in this series: a defender with loads of playoff experience- someone who knows what it takes to defend one of the best teams in a best of 7. He took a leadership role with that team and his play backed it up. The Islanders did a great job at shutting down Ovechkin and the Caps power play, and Boycuk was at the center of it. And so was this man:

Nick Leddy ...... A

Basically the same shit about Boychuk, but he's only fucking 24 years old! We're going to see this man in his prime and his best play showed in the playoffs. I was constantly seeing Leddy make some great recoveries on defense after the Caps would steal or make a great play driving into the Islanders zone. Just a top notch defender. He had 5 assists too.

Cal Clutterbuck ...... A

This man really set the tone for the series. Capuano started the 4th line for a reason. These guys came out hitting. And although it's usually Matt Martin at the helm, I felt that Clutterbuck really understood what it was like to play playoff hockey. You just saw such raw emotion run through him whenever he was involved in a play or a scrum. He's also that guy the team needs to yell insults at the ugly Russian sitting on the other bench. 7 goals all season, scores 2 in the series. He got it.

Matt Martin ....... B+

Matt Martin was right with Clutterbuck on setting the pace of the games with the tough hits and raw emotion when they flew out off the bench. I felt that he squandered a couple of awesome offensive chances, and was just disappointing offensively, when he is usually involved on offense. He has a year to improve on that.

Casey Cizikas ....... B+

Cizikas is one of my favorite Islanders and arguably the most underrated player on the team. He has such skill and potential and I see many more goals in his future. I was surprised see just now that he only had one goal. He scored the lone goal in that sad OT loss with 12 seconds left in the first period. I feel he needed at least one more big goal to fulfill his potential in that series. The heart was there though, he was a huge part of that 4th line.

Ryan Strome ........ B+

Strome is another one of my favorite Islanders and potentially a great player and goal scorer. He's got so much offensive skill. He scored 2 goals and had 2 assists in the series, but there were plenty of times where I though he had a great look and couldn't pull the trigger. He's another player that if he's playing better next year, the Islanders go farther.

Brock Nelson ....... B

His playoff mentality was his season mentality: score a ton of goals early on and then cool off in a big way. Brock had many chances in later games for goals that he couldn't score with. The potential is there, he just didn't capitalize on some big moments.

Josh Bailey ......... A

Bailey was involved in so many plays. Even though there were some times I thought he could have done a little more, he had 2 goals and 3 assists and just seemed to play well throughout. It was like watching the Best of Josh Bailey compilation. He knew how to turn it on.

Frans Nielsen ........ B+

Skated really hard and caught the Caps sneaking a couple of times with his sheer speed. Could have seen more from him offensively, we know it's there.

Nikolay Kulemin ....... B

Kulemin played hard throughout the series and was good to have on the ice. He created a lot of plays, however no one seemed to capitalize. Could've done more.

Thomas Hickey ........ A

Hickey, who I once thought a weak spot on the Islanders defense has really grown into his own. He finished out the season strong and held off the Caps during a tough, gritty series. He was also creating a lot of plays from the blue line and taking shots.

Brian Strait ......... A

Brian Strait was to me an even weaker spot in the Islanders defense early on the in the season and he ALSO improved steadily until the playoffs where he ALSO performed excellently. I always caught Strait making great defensive plays, and potentially saving many goals. He would be an A-, but I had to bump him up to an A for being a formed Terrier. Go BU!

Anders Lee ....... D

What happened to you man? Aside from that stretch during the regular season where he essentially carried the team he wasn't there. And he no-showed so bad in the post-season that Cappy benched him. Incredible.

Tyler Kennedy ....... D

Did you play?

Mikhail Grabovski ...... N/A

Didn't see enough action to get a grade. Would have loved to see him play the whole series. Grabovski is awesome.

Matt Donovan/Scott Mayfield ..... B+

I know Capuano "strategically" would take out these two whenever Ovechkin was on the ice, but they did clash, and these two really held their own. They were thrust into a difficult position and did a pretty good job. Would definitely keep these 2 around.

Colin McDonald ....... N/A

Didn't play enough.


Michael Grabner ....... D

You would think Grabner would play well in the playoffs, he can be such an offensive threat sometimes.

Calvin De Haan ...... B-

This young defender is going to be very good one day. He showed that throughout the series. You saw that occasionally in the playoffs. Although if he didn't get hurt we might have won.

Griffin Reinhart ....... F

He played one game, went -2, and then got sent away. Ouch


Lubomir Visnovsky ........ A

Lubo was playing so well up until Wilson laid that cheapo shot on him. Everyone knows of Lubo's concussion history, making the hit even cheaper. Fucking bastard. I really hope Lubo is okay and his career isn't now over. He's 38, and with all of those concussions who knows. He's a great veteran presence and a great player. I really hope he's okay.





















Wednesday, April 15, 2015

I Don't Fuck With Girls Who Don't Paint Their Nails


This has potential to be the weirdest post so far I think, but it's a long-standing belief I've had that I need to get off my chest. I simply can't stand when girls don't paint their nails.

I think it's a lot less the aesthetics as it is the principle of it. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not coming CLOSE to considering some broad with big-ass man hands, no shot no matter how on-fleek the mani is. I got small hands so if a girl has meaty claws I'm fucking out, but that's besides the point. 

Bare nails are a sign of one of the following three things: 
1. Laziness- can't knock it, I'm lazy as fuck but I don't need a lazy chick to make me lazier.
2. Didn't get around to it- totally fair, I live my life "getting around to" tasks, but it's bitten me in the ass a bunch. Well ladies, now it's biting you. Guess you can't (still, totally can) date a financially burdened smut peddler, sucks to be you. 
3. Anti establishment, "I don't need to prove my beauty" bullshit- fuck outta here babe. I gel my hair and trim my beard, in hopes that girls will fuck me. Do the same and paint your nails, it just looks nicer. 

Incredibly overthought, fetish-bordering rant: compete.


Friday, April 10, 2015

Dove Cameron Has Ushered in a New Era of Disney Dominance


First things first, yes this girl is of age (19) and yes in a time where we have Instagram and free porn and all this shit that it's crazy to waste a breath on a Disney star. 

Except it's not. This chick plays a pair of twins on some Disney Channel show and I for one, am doing boners. It harkens me back to a simpler time, one before booze and tinder and worries, when myself and a healthy percentage of the NH gang would fire up DC and just love the fuck out of it. Smokes on smokes and Dove here is just the next generation of that. 

Maybe the best part about this girl is that her private photos got leaked last summer and she's a MINX. So fucking hot, playing a goody two shoes on TV and then just wrecking dicks once she's off set. Give me some babe, need it. 


Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Niykee Heaton Scares Me










Complex Article With Video

Niykee Heaton is scary as fuck. She's at a level of hot where I'm not even enjoying it anymore, I'm just scared when I think about just what she could get me to do, it legitimately takes me to a disturbing part of my psyche. I'm writing this while on vacation in Key West on a fucking balcony overlooking the ocean, I'm in paradise right now and after seeing this all I can think about is how little effort it would take her to get me to do absolutely HEINOUS things in exchange for sex.

"Hey bcase go kill that guy, skin him and sell his organs on the black market..." *seductive eyes*
"Ummm okay sure thing baby"

...and just like that I'm Hannibal, it's preposterous. So thanks Niykee, thanks for the boner and for the frightening introspection, now I have the scaries.

PS- Bad Intentions is an absolutely FIRE song, sexy as fuck.

PPS- When I found out her name was pronounced the same as "Nicki" I fainted. Get the FUCK outta town spelling it the way she does. Thought it was  pronounced "Niy-Kee" for like months, sounded like a retarded asian trying to say Nike, I'm so dumb.Just Do It indeed.