Rachel Green vs. Monica Geller: Rounds 1-5

Whether it's your current girl or one you've dated in the past, everybody has come across at least one who LOVES Friends. You can't get away from it if it's on Nick at Night and the two of you are together because that hour timeslot has been spoken for. And make no mistake about it, her favorite character will be Phoebe. Chicks LOVE the quirky girl, and Lisa Kudrow was an innovator, bring the offbeat hippie girl to prime time.

Full disclosure- I love Friends.Chandler and Joey are hilarious, genuinely funny characters. Ross may be one of the worst male characters in any show ever, couldn't be a bigger herb if he tried, but he's not enough to ruin the show by any stretch.

The best part of Friends however is the constant battle for dick-wrecking supremacy between Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox. A classic, heavy-weight blonde vs. brunette smack down. In the early seasons it's a pretty clear run-away, Rachel, the bonafide SMOKESTACK Long Island girl* comes out of the chute guns blazing and she flat-out kills it. Monica, while a fair minx in her own right, really doesn't even have much of a puncher's chance early.

Then somewhere around season 3 or 4, Monica comes out looking for BLOOD. Toned, sexy, still anal as hell but ready to FUCK, determined to dethrone the champ. Rachel weathers the storm as any legend of the game will do, but by this point she's in an absolute dogfight.

By the show's end, it's a coin flip, it really is dependent on which side of the aisle you fall on: Blonde or Brunette. Ali vs. Frazier, Tyson vs. Holyfield, Green vs. Geller, lets take a look at the tape:

Round One:

 vs.

Bloodbath. Domination. Stop the fight! Young Rachel Green over everything. Just effortlessly sexy. Monica just not ready to compete yet, came to a gun battle with a switch-blade, FATALITY.
(Rachel 1 - 0 Monica)

Round Two:

 vs.

Much closer than Round One, still Rachel's bout to lose however. Can't teach sexy, and if Rachel Green's work outfits were one thing if not practical, they were sexy. Milk, two sugars, babe.
(Rachel 2 - 0 Monica)

Round Three:

 vs.

Did a picture which includes a monkey just make it move? Yeah. Enough said. I mean of course Monica could GET IT by this point, but when Rachel is flying at monkey boner heights, it'll take a damn near historic effort to take her down. Hasn't happen yet. (Rachel 3 - 0 Monica)

Round Four:

 

vs.

Mother of GOD. I mean, you get all the greatest minds throughout history together, Einstein, Hawking, Galileo, Da Vinci and you ask them to decide who looks better here? I don't think they're figuring it out. You got Rachel, hair slightly darker, coming off of three victories in a row, pandering to the depressed Knicks fan in all of us just crushing the Starter crewneck. But then you got Monica coming in absolutely SCORCHING hot, obliterating the cat look. Maybe the hottest cat costume I've ever seen? Hard to say. In the end though, round four goes to Monica in a split decision. Meeoowwwwww. (Rachel 3 - 1 Monica)

Round Five:

What a perfect comparison bcase, both right in front of the shelves? Thanks bro. Anyhow, to a man, I'm saying that Monica looks better here. The hair, the eyes, everything is coming together. She really hit her stride around this point of the show, and maybe just maybe we're seeing a little complacency from Rachel. "Lost a round? Fuck it I'm up 3-1." Well now Monica is landing jab combos and Rachel is on her heels a little bit, she's lost control of the bout and it's up for grabs at this point. MONICA GELLER HAS ARRIVED. They don't call it the sweet science for nothing, and this is poised to be an absolute classic until the final round. (Rachel 3 - 2 Monica)

Rounds 6-10 tomorrow.